Advice From Students
Don't be too overbearing. Don't try to check up on every little thing your child does. Chances are they're probably doing at least a few things you don't want to know about anyway. Send cookies. And money, lots of money.”
—Rebecca Parks, '04, Detroit, Mich.
You have to walk a fine line between avoiding undue interference and over-involvement and being supportive and helpful. Setting up a time to call once every one or two weeks would be a great way to check in without checking up. Care packages are always nice, too. And make sure to talk to your kids about drinking and partying. Tell them what you expect from them, what they can expect to encounter and how to be responsible. Parents of girls should discuss campus safety measures, and parents of boys should discuss what constitutes appropriate behavior (e.g., no means no).”
—Deepa Kamath, '01, MPH'02, Bloomfield Hills, Mich.
Your kids will really find themselves and become their own people during their first year. Some kids may change their appearances or lifestyles drastically to fit into how they now perceive themselves. My advice is to be very accepting of these changes and let your kids know that you love them and support them no matter what. Also, let them learn to make their own decisions and only offer advice if it is asked for. Realize that your kids are becoming adults, that they should be treated accordingly, and that your love and support is very important in this transition period.”
—Sara Sweat, '02, Ida, Mich.
Support your child completely. Try to accommodate their college choice, even if you think it is the wrong one. If you dislike their decision, don't yell. Discuss it as a friend. You will find your child will become more of a friend in the next year if you treat them with respect and don't scold them for their bad decisions, but provide support. Be prepared for tearful phone conversations.”
—Anna Skinner, '05, Dearborn Heights, Mich.
Send things in the mail often. Email is nice to keep in touch, but it is really nice to go to your mailbox and have something other than just bills and credit card promotions. It doesn't have to be packages all the time; just a little note can really make anyone's day.”
—Autumn Wenglikowski, '02, Hailey, Idaho
Do not try and live your life through your children; they need to find their own path and make their own career decisions.”
—Jessica, '04, Clinton Township, Mich.
Just because your child is away from home, that does not mean you need to keep things from them. If something is wrong (e.g., someone is sick in the family), more than likely your child has a support system at school, so make sure you keep the communication lines open.”
—Pamela Baskies, '04, Cherry Hill, NJ
Just be supportive. Your child is going through one of the roughest transitions of his or her life. They may not say it, but they need your help.”
—Charles Grumbine, '04, Grand Rapids, Mich.
Let them go. Don't try to hold on. They will come back to you when the time is right for them. But for now, they need to experience life on their own.”
—Gretchen Hilburger, '03, Niantic, Conn.
Don't ask them to come home every weekend. They will really miss out on a lot. Instead, visit them at school. Let them show you what they've been up to, places they like to go.”
—Katie Rehrauer, '03, Kalamazoo, Mich.
Let your child know that you are there for them whenever they need you. Send your child mail at the dorm; they will appreciate it even if they forget to tell you so. Send them cards or care packages. If you have a pet at home, send them a card "from the dog." Realize that you won't have control over your child; they will have much more freedom at school. And when your child comes home for holidays and summers, realize that things may have changed. You may not be able or may not need to enforce that midnight curfew anymore.”
—Emily Swan, '04, Royal Oak, Mich.
Realize that your relationship with your child is going to change, and they are going to want to become more independent. Realize that this will cause some conflict.”
—Laura Platt, '04, Chicago, Ill.
Children are just as excited and nervous about starting college as you are about sending them to college; they're just showing it in a different way. So don't be hurt when they want to show off their new independence, when they tell you to leave after you've moved them in. In two weeks when they're calling you crying about their first lecture when the professor called on them and they didn't know the answer, or to tell you about their newest crush, you'll know that this, too, is part of growing up.”
—Jennifer Gallinat, '02, Flint, Mich.
Be supportive. Understand that it is a big transition from high school to college, and that grades are not the most important thing.”
—Kristina Thomas, '04, Midland, Mich.
Be patient with your kids and allow them to explore new avenues and learn from their own mistakes. You cannot always be there to protect them from harm. Be there for your children when they need you, but allow them their independence as well.”
—Holly Burton, '00, Brighton, Mich.
Work on developing the right distance so that you're there for your child, but are giving them space to grow.”
—Mark Hodges, '04, Kalamazoo, Mich.
It's rough being apart from your kids for the first time, but college students need their independence. Let them figure out how to buy books on their own, set up their dorm room, find out where buildings are, etc. Also, don't ever, ever call anytime before 10 a.m. during the week and noon on the weekend, or stop by for a visit unannounced.”
—Carmen Filip, '03, Grosse Ile, Mich.
